i have 7 drafts by far.

i was missing him, thinking about him, dreaming about him, hearing impossible sounds about him. if everything were just a mirage.

i dreamt of one situation that happen exactly a year ago. miserably just lyke in reality. but things might have change. and i dunch know if it was the better or just a mirage.

perhaps baby does read afterall, he brought me fer my haircut and i brought him fer some dumb dumb movie today. the ratings were just some fat piece of lie. i guess it's scary if you think in context of the tradition. but definitely not a ENTERTAINMENT HORROR movie. there's no special effects, no sound effects, nth but drama-mama and reality.

the next time if i really wanna catch some horror movie, stop me yeah...

i didn't knew baby was with that 5 fingers lyke me.

highlight the previous post and you can see baby in the light.

he doesn't really read anyway.

i kinda start putting my 'locked' entries as draft now.

so the weekend was quite hectic. i shan't say the rest.

got yan her 21st birthday present late sat night. i know i was over the timing but i had a hard time searching fer what i wanted. but i'm pretty sure she's in love with her new DKNY watch and it's definitely not because of that wishlist. (=

steamboat at golden mile with alvin, yao, princess zen, robynne and gim last night. uncle zen kept calling us auntie and the only first thing he says ar sarcastic remarks which were kinda the usual, said w/o going thru his left brain. sometimes i wonder why ish he so different on the phone. anyway, mr bean ice-cream was great too while i had my chair flew off.

baby was sweet enough to pick me up and let's see how this goes yeah.

and fer my lovely girlfriends who've burnt a big hole in my wallet.*

HAPPY 21st toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo you! you!

fer meiling, i'm sorry about not been able to give you yur surprise or even attend yur other surprise but i hope you do lyke yur pressie (if you don't, look fer yan. haa.).

and fer yan, i know you looooooooooooooooooooooooooove our present hell lot. cos i do too, so much that i wanna snatch it back from you. haa.

so there goes all yur 21st. i'm waiting fer mine yeah. hopefully everything will still turn out right by then.

missing all my friends... and of cos, the un-return baby who didn't even said bye before he left.

after exam therapy, i lyke! but the wallet seems empty now.

yes, i might have a full load of memos. but i do not look at them, and it irks to even have a glance of it. (in regards of that folder named 'the past'.)

girls dressing up nicely together fer a night out. awwwwwww.


i don't know if it's my com or blogger. my net keeps hanging *** non stop.

dressing up nicely, have someone pick you up and say you look good tonight, going out on a date with nice bouquet of flowers, you smile and curl up, someone keeping you accompanied every single moment, you giggle at the slightest gesture of another's, enjoy a nice ride around on the lovely night, fall in love and kiss goodbye.

i need a new hair cut badly.

i wanna watch that malaysian horror film (Jangan Pandang Belakang) that has been given really good spooky ratings.

i forsee, "you can go with someone else".

i remembered once, i had mango juice and one told me something i found 'absolutely crazy that night' (that night) infront of the singapore river. being piggy backed, thoughts (w/o one's acknowledgement) roamed through till clifford pier, the momument built in the 1930s. people had their foolish times and i guess i fell into one's. what's so strong once, seems to........... just lyke how love grows. things change, people do change, we just gotta learn to accept changes.

last paper last paper tml.

boo boo oooh oooh ah eee blah toot*

(driving bonkers with this damn calm mood)

as much as i love everything about my urban history and architecture, it's just simply another thing when it comes to exams. exams ar evil! the make whatever interesting seem ultimately disastrous and taxing. i really wanna score at least an A- fer this but it seems that i'm far from it.

me no understand tropicalism, modernism and the rest of those boo-hoo architecture terms and can't get the arguement over them. it's lyke these people ar living in it and they names meant hell lot to them but fer an outsider lyke me who just wants to enjoy this module do not get as much enthusiasm as them.

i want daddy to send me to school tml!

i'm not yur blonde babydoll.

if i have not forgotten to s/u my urban, i wouldn't be bothered reading through those yucky articles that makes no sense to me now. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks.
tropical architecture and identity - a derivative discourse?
western civilisation and post-enlightenment rationailty?

what the hell...

if there's only one person who ish able to summarise my articles fer me now. help!

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

job offers anybody? mel mel mel can work immediately from 2nd week of may to 3rd week of july.

i can't say anything about not treasuring things you have and taking them fer granted. cos nobody's gonna tear when you're gone.

look into the before.s and you tell me the future. i dunch want to just be another dot in yur story. another one of the many you click upon and say the same thing to the next person.

she can be strong but if you ar here, all she might need ish yur protection.

affected yet saying the truth hurts. sometimes when you can't express yurself, things just go wrong. emotionally it's taxing fer you, yeah i know.

the next thing i need to learn ish that if i wanna keep things to myself just to protect someone else, dunch feel that you have to keep sober to yurself and the whole world owes you fer it.

girls just need assurance constantly, guys need girls to be assured and that's the end of story.

i know the end of the story. the picture came and it's time fer me to acknowledge it.

all i need ish i love you.

i need a transition in life.

baby's all i got.

a responsibility.

looking back, i can't believe he actually said he loves me. hrmp...

3 papers just breeze past with a snap. and the last paper next week.

ain't much of a kick, no joy, no excitment though it's 3/4 over, but i had a long meal with baby yesterday. good moments beside of what he told me last night. just lyke what ade said, it's lyke being truthful but you dunch know if it's in a good or bad way. i tot it was smt that shouldn't have been said at all. it's not affecting me, but hrmp...

i dunch know if it's the time of the month or what, but i'm definitely not feeling good at all today.

VERY HECTIC, VERY OUT OF LUCK.

i totally lost motivation to study last night, blank out and got moody.

got drench on the way to school. THUNDERSTORM.

and mess up my own exam date. my biochem paper happens to be tomorrow and NOT WEDnesday. OH GAWD!

this ish so not a good beginning fer the week. my head ish spinnning now and i have to wake up at 8.30 AM tomorrow to continue what i haven't finish FER TML'S PAPER. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks.

and i have another PAPER the VERY NEXT day. my mind so not prepared and needs rest from all the TENSION. i mugged till 8am last morning and am awake till now after 2 hours of rest ONLY.

it all happens w/o my notice. i would have MISS the paper if baby didn't took notice of my exam dates.

totally stress out.

WHEN DID IT ALL STARTED?

the mugging shouldn't stop no matter where you'll be.

tired but can't fall asleep. i only hope to have a big hug from my dearest so that it wipes away all the negative forces. kiki woke up at 4am and brought me to mac fer breakfast last morning. thankew fer everything. i love you loads and it's not of the 2 bucks, not of the mac breakfast.

*perk me up.

really really lost.

can i have mac breakfast now.

i think i must be a lil nuts. been studying since 11.30 am after sleeping at 5am last night and now i'm going to continue this craziness till another 5am today. caught 7 marketing webcasts today and it's quite dumb to repeat watching them. x2.0 ish kinda way too slow fer me now. i hope there's x2.5 speed. managed to conquer 13 chapters fer now and i'm gonna carrying on with the spirit to the end of the textbook. met my baby fer a short while and it was definitely worth the trip. will post one silly picture when baby sends me tml.

the next thing closest to retail therapy ish masking. the pampering releases all of the stress you have. trust me, try something moisturising, it tinkles to feel good.

on a side note, i'm really missing my boy.

alright, i just splurge on something i think i might regret clicking the button. eee-u. i'm sorry, but that's due to tremendous stress and influence by the hills. gawd.

i really need black/grey skinnies preferbly from river island and a few summer dresses to make me feel pretty again.

awwww. my wardrobe ish just so outdated.

sandy's 21st. there's more, we shall wait.







apparently, they had this one, two, three, four which i had no clue until.





3 yeah.



lsm w/o lingling. so we did 0,0.







oops, i didn't did that on purpose.



there goes, the complete lsm but a few extras.



my seafood platter which i tried hard to finish besides the rice and fries. i think i only had two spoons of rice. not very worth my money, i would rather have blue cheese steak.



with the birthday girl.







tt's all fer now. back to biod and my baby.

i'm quite excited over something.

i've finally managed to finish my urban assignment after having the brain stuck fer 3 nights. it really feels so much better, at least now that i have nothing to stop me from my revision.

will blog with pictures of sandy's 21st on thursday. later on dearies... i've got two bulks of notes to go through fer biodiversity.

i think i didn't mention watching shooter last sat night. since baby took the effort off his really busy schedule, i think i need to be aware of that. (besides the fact that he doesn't frequent the cinema that often in the past, besides his casual dating. oops* hee.) alright, all the best fer yur exams baby and i guess i better start pushing on my very dued urban assignment before i start panicking about the 1 week left fer the major 3 papers coming real soon. you know it's really sweet of him to tell me on monday that we might not be meeting fer weeks, yet unknowningly he's taking quite alot of effort to meet me up. i know when exams strike, i gotta start staring at my wallpaper fer 2 weeks. urgh.

*with lots of love, exclusively kiki's.

if only debbie travis facelift gets shift down to an afternoon timing. awwwwwww...

the other night, i guess it was two nights ago, i was catching one of my favourite talkshow, "kang xi lai le", and there goes the topic about jerks who fools around. it just comes to one conclusion, MOST men have their brains stuck in bwt their 2 balls. ( i think i did mention MOST. it's lyke how biodiversity works, species ar segregated but not all population matches all the above characteristics.) fairy tales do not exist but fer those men cheating on many women, 'yur balls would rot one fine day, beware.'

smiling and giggling to myself. it feels good. memories they tag well, bad occurings ar left behind. there's many things going thru my mind now and when i saw the blog counter went 20002, i suddenly remembered that the baby ish turning 4 soon. awwwwwwwwwwwwww...

http://will-o-thewisp.blogspot.com/2003_04_01_archive.html

4 long years, a 3 years r/s, plenty cherished friendship, lotsa good and bad memoirs i had, quotes others left me, tears that wept along, uhhhhhhh...

this new tune keeps reminding me of kiki under the positive light. and i guess the next thing i'll do after typing, ish to hum along with the tune in this tense-up NUS science library and let the important one know about his presence in my heart.

so long, dearies. my urban seems to be killing me softly.

i had really bad dreams last night, so bad that i was tense up thru-out. unknowningly, i woke up maybe thrice? with everything stagnant, the pillows were all in place, i was grabbing the blankie and comforter tight, dale was still facing me, ang bei bei was still resting. awfully, i hope bad dreams DO NOT come true.

3 webcasts in 3 hours. the power of x2.0. 8 chapters in a night. the power of motivation and discipline. i'm not more hardworking or smarter, i'm just doing what i'm able to complete. another 2 more hours to go before i'm off to bed. convince me about outsmarting.

i know about the melancholic notes lately but do pardon me, there's this unknown fluid in my brain that somehow takes control when the heart pounds slowly. i'll be fine, i'll smile when my bro wakes me up in the morning and unknowningly tells me my importance in his heart, i'll get better when i'm in the arms of my honeybunch with his utmost support, i'll be giggling after meeting sharks, i'll be joyful after exams, i'll be happy after meeting my gfs, i'll be cheerful after meeting my friends, i'll be delightful when hard earn money comes and i'm off to bangkok shopping trip with kiki and his buds. days will go by fast, i just hope i grasp every single precious moment i have.

there ar things i knew i shouldn't step into and yet i started playing the game i can't afford to lose at all. it didn't only happen once or even twice. sometimes i wish i'm just some ignorant bimbo who knows no shit about the evils of the world. look mel, see what have you brought yurself into. and yet you talk about confidence that you know would equates to nothing when emotions over-rule. i know one day, i'll suffer the consequences.

random pictures i edited while i'm bored.

let me count the days. almost 2 weeks.

let me think about the captivation. 10% of what's left.

the girl feels lyke she needs some private space fer awhile. it's not easy and now that she understands the reason why. she will someday, it will someday, but it's just not going to be today. there ar times she's not allowed to choose and times her attention rises. women ar complicated and emotional creatures. slit the throat, act lyke it's the end of the world, play dumb and everything will be fine again. ignore the crap, my mind's spinning with nonsensical thoughts from the heart which couldn't stay much in control. the alpha and beta chains ar not working well together, my cells they stop at G1. we'll panic and think that it's all over. sometimes, i just wish i'll be the first to sleep in peace.

panic if she's missing. we don't play games of hide and seek. there she whispers fer you. maximise the chances you preach.

unexplained commodity. there goes the same story...

a dream ish a wish your heart makes. alone in the night you whisper.

absolutely in love with the lyrics/mood of this song.

maybe whatever he says ish right. no matter how you try to keep things subtle and smooth, it's might be too early and many feelings/things change with time. be it drastically or of any scenerios that comes to yur mind, you can look forward without much anticipation. sometimes it does feel too heavy to worry about saying the wrong things, letting out feelings that leads to a rebound, to be giving w/o any acknowledgement. sometimes, there feels a need of private space, yet it fears that my pull might topple things over. my tears shall not be known but yet it doesn't lead to an empty space. i have my assurance and i just need you to live in it. and there's just one thing i'm sure of this time if whatever fails, i'll still be in love with you.

Heart
by Stars

time can take it's toll on the best of us
look at you, you're growing old so young
traffic lights blink at you in the evening
you tilt your head and turn it to the sun
sometimes the tv is like a lover
singing softly as you fall asleep
you wake up in the morning and it's still there
adding up the things you'll never be

alright, i can say what you want me to
alright, i can do all the things you do
alright, i'll make it all up for you
i'm still in love with you
i'm still in love with you

time can take it's toll on the best of us
look at you, you're growing old so young
traffic lights blink at you in the evening
you tilt your head and turn it to the setting sun
you disembark the latest flight to paradise
you almost turn your ankle in the snow
you fall back into where you started
make up words to songs you used to know

alright, i can say what you want me to
alright, i can do all the things you do
alright, i'll make it all up for you
i'm still in love with you
i'm still in love with you

the hard rock god, he never had a chance, you know
incurable romantics never do
he held a flame i wasn't born to carry
i'll leave the dying young stuff up to you

you get back on the latest flight to paradise
i found out from a note taped to the door
i think i saw your airplane in the sky tonight
through my window lying on the kitchen floor
i want more...
give me more...

Alright I can say what you want me to (I want more)
Alright I can do all the things you do (Give me more)
Alright I'll make it all up for you
I'm still in love with you
I'm still in love with you (I want more)
Alright I can say what you want me to (Give me more)
Alright I can do all the things you do (I want more)
Alright I'll make it all up for you
I'm still in love with you
I'm still in love with you
I'm still in love with you

i'm so tired. i feel lyke crying. to think of 4 hours of sleep and waking up at 7am. i think i'm in need of an oxygen tank.

i really miss my girlfriends, my poly friends and any other equally important friends. everybody wants to meet up but i have no excuse to get out of this evil routine. everyone around me ish mugging real hard and i can't even take time fer one 6.50 movie. freedom after 3rd may!

going to bed with 2 chapters unread. am i too serious with work?

been having really comforting heart to heart chats with my honeybunch lately and it always feels better everytime we listen to each other. that's a nice progression i guess, building up the trust somewhere along the way.

因为

1) 我爱的就是你, 你的好, 不会因为时间的改变, 爱情的不顺而有任何减少.

2) 能让我想起你的点点滴滴和对我无微不至的体贴是一种很幸福的感觉.

3) 你对我的付出真意,而我对你的爱不会飘浮不定.

4) 我会只在你面前很笨，让你惊喜地发现原来在大家眼里冰雪聪明的我也会犯只有你知道的弱智错误.

alright. i'm bad at this. so that's it fer the night.

i'm going to the zoo, zoo, zoo. how about you, you, you?

change*

i've went to the zoo today. took a number of pictures due to boredom. i'm not saying that the zoo ish not a lovely place, but i only had 3 hours of sleep the previous night and it was raining heavily.

sobs, outta a weird place. i teared infront of the king cobra.

i'm utterly disappointed with my result and it's not that i haven't place enough efforts. eeeks. i want to be a genetic counselor. tt's the end of story.

i cannot believe that i fell fer the cut and paste trick. oh, now... please give me a break. sucha fool.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks. there's this girl spying on me all the time. i need baby to shove of the freaking tingling feeling now. omg.

after starving fer so many days w/o any proper meal, i really hope to have some subway club or italian b.m.t. asap. i know jurong point has 1 at level one and if bf ish able to see this entry before he heads fer school tml which i doubt so, i might be able to have it fer brunch. gawd. maybe i should go get it myself.

recently i got addicted to this re-telecast of old trade, new life. i guess it's a really neat documentary of the traditional trades in singapore and how it adapts itself as the economy advances, how these lines of trades changes. really worth the catch in cna.

amazing.

i miss playing the flute oh so much.

i just came to realise that panadol flu ish utterly bitter. luckily daddy brought back my pink dolphin since kiki didn't promise bringing me a dozen. nearly chocked by my last pill. yucks. off to bed again i guess. today ish another day i'm stuck in bed.

who sleeps with a tissue box on their bed and wake up with a mountain/pool of tissues around. perhaps i'll start dreaming about floating on the clouds. mr kiki says i shouldn't be eating panadols but nobody brings me to the clinic. you know i won't go alone, phobia of wasting time/money and sitting with patients. so i've just pop 2 panadol flu and i'm going off to bed.

took me ~30 mins to get to the airport and ~20 mins fer dad to reach home. i think i must be crazy to be driving at 130 considering that i'm always lucky upon meeting tps, overtaking and following road hogs over and over again. daddy sped through with 140 and obviously the speed camera didn't work. afterall it hasn't work fer the last few times perhaps 5? these ar bad examples, so please do not follow. i guess dad and me ar really alike just lyke how darling says we ar over ambitious. seriously after having a license, i do not encourage young kids driving w/o a license/ or adults drink driving/speeding and playing with your life. and if you dunch think your life ish worth a shit, think about others. dunch give no bullshit that the place ish empty and it isn't dangerous. you know when shit happens, everything you cannot imagine happens too.

daddy didn't got any stuffs because he had a busy trip which he only spent lyke 300 bucks in tokyo. all i have ish this big bottle of chewing gum with this lil tinge of toyko chill.

thanks kiki fer everything.*

lower yur expectations and ignore the constrictions, you'll smile at the end of the day with the comfort of yur love one.





merlion and kiki. hee.

the first time i went to the musical fountain - the magical world of sentosa.

i didn't manage to take nice photos.





flames.



darling seems pissed.



nopes, he's not.



loves*

i'm in this really emo mood. and i know it's affecting my fever. my tummy ish upset, i puke every few hours. i think the stress from everything ish killing me. i need a hug, to calm me down. but who isn't afraid that i might pass my flu bug to you? time limits to everything but lyke what kiki has said before, the world doesn't only revolve around us. and even if you know that you have no time fer this and that, you want comfort from yur boyfriend, family concern, indulgence, you still have to finish yur essay and mug fer yur CA on friday. this ish life and we all know how it sucks. but maybe not, cos there's still the family, boyfriend, friends, bf's family around.

all this sick lil girl needs ish just constant love, protection and concern.

unluckily, we queued 4 hours fer this. their front service was way too slow. i nearly fainted looking at them serving. they treated the donuts lyke it's some freaking diamonds. the double chocolate was really good when it's all piping hot and you can feel the crisp of the donuts (though it made me sick after). cheese tartar was delicious too. their glazed was way too normal. spicy cheese was crap. i haven't tried the rest, but kiki says the strawberry white chocolate ish good too. locha mocha was a----alright only. another 2 hours fer it? no way...

everytime i feel broke, the money just appear right there when i really need it. although it's not much but it still fills ma super empty wallet. bangkok trip again soon during july holidays. it's the first outing with my honeybunch and i seriously wonder how ish it going to be like. daddy has flew to tokyo and i guess half of the money ish going to the petrol. he left me with just half a tank, maybe i should use his cashcard and pay again. haa. evil smiles* if only dad's car was a honda civic, kwute enough fer me. i lyke!

i'm sucha studious ladee who's still in school at this hour. haa. nah, i'm just waiting fer baby to fetch me home. while waiting, i've decided to make this tally. it's week 11 now. minus off a week of study week. there's 10 weeks of urban classes till 9pm. let's take off the two weeks i took 188, 963, 188, 198, 180... and it constitutes to a ~82% rate my honeybunch has came and fetch me every wednesday. that includes the very special once, he took mrt and bus 95 here with that gay sling bag. haa. alright, i'm just basically bored and talking albiet of nonsense. off to pee and meet my honeybunch!

hrmp* changes. i think there's thrice/4 i went home alone. hrmp, dunch really remember.

things i will not say even if i have this freaking bad mood, i got offended + hurt and i do not feel appreciated anymore.

1) there's no reason we should continue this r/s.
2) there's another better one fer you.
3) i'm sorry that i can't be there fer you anymore.

that's too dumb. nothing should be said if you dunch meant it.

no way... i know i used to say this hell lot in previous r/s, but not this time round.

if you ask me what's there to blog, i would jolly well tell you there's none. i've been trying to get sleep almost every single day and i dread having the need to set myself datelines or "deadlines". time passes way too fast with them. it's lyke swish, woosh, swoosh and tadaa... what a vicious cycle. there's a month/4 weeks before my final exams start and i'm left with one 800 ethnic essay and presentation, 10 pages of urban history and architecture assignment, 2 more CAs to come. i really hope i'll finish the drafts of my ethnic essay and urban assignment by this week at least. i think i need more discipline and less coffee to keep me awake.

i love my sugarcoated, chocofudgy honeybunch.

in my next life, i wanna be just a pink dolphin. never mind the freckles.

sometimes it does feel lyke a bimbo blogging, an un-intellectual talking about mudane stuffs, a typical ladee complaining with fats she sees, irritated student telling grandmother stories of how school work stresses her up and meaningless shopping treats (minus the branded goods).

no, please tell me this ish not happening. better start learning poetry.

300 and st james fer the day.

it's been a long time since i last club. but st james ish definitely not a really nice place to club. we were spinning around places. the boiler room has a little tad nice r&b after a certain time but the place ish definitely not fer dancing, many other lounges around, some places with professors around and ole ole ole?, the only dancefloor that's nice was powerhouse but the music were bad remixes, dragonfly? people ain't dancing with those weird tunes. mOS misses* the toilet, wooooo...

with my dearest.

yuxin and max.

this may sound stupid but everytime darling piggybacks me, i feel so in love and protected. blushes*

sometimes i wish to have a private msn account. damn, this spamming of email ish killing me. argh!

they might be of no threat but sometimes diss-es comes absolutely smack into the point and you can't stop yourself from thinking whether it's meant to be.

it's the unlike-able features she has and i guess the attitude lies the same too. unpleasant being the once have.

this afternoon, i look into the frays of hair, told myself that it's not going to last fer long. i double confirmed and started worrying.

who doesn't fall in love over and over again, tell yur SOthers over and over again, that i'll be with you forever, call the same darling and names on the different. (there's nothing wrong with the past, as long as the future holds. i guess? just try not to reminiscence them fer too much? keeping memories ar way too many pieces of evidence fer sparks.) though the 2nd statement never refers to anything i've said before, cos you've gotta remember, i never believe in true love and i always think that i'm ill-fated in the love arena.

just dunch take things fer granted.

random posts, they dunch link.

oh yeah, pardon me fer being a mean bitch but hazelnut has always been this neat piece of joke.

it still hurts but i'm trying to live with it.

ignorance might be bliss but when everything starts overflowing one day, you'll regret ignoring each of them in the first place.

intellectually missing.

sorry, but msn ish not my favourable tool of communication.

if you wanna meet up my someone, dunch use the excuse and call up the other partner. it's not reasonably nice*

music and lyrics was absolutely light-hearted. it lifted my mood and i enjoyed his company.

duper catchy song. pop! goes my heart. (= colin and alex. baby must be fuming mad now. colex. haa.

Way Back Into Love - OST Music and Lyrics

I’ve been living with a shadow, over head
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud, above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on

I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
just in case I ever need them again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
to clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can’t make through without a way back into love
Oh-oh

I’ve been watching
but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching
but I just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there
there’s gotta be something for my soul somewhere

I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
and I’m open to your suggestions

All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping that you’ll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
and if you’ll help me to start again
you know that I’ll be there for you in the end

my heart, it hurts.

couples enjoy happy days with happy outings. i think mine was disastrous and i know it's 80% my fault. blame it on the tantrum. blame it on people being stubborn. but you know how i hate last minute decisions, how it feels to wander around and knowing that you can't get anything done. i'm upset and i can't control being disappointed.

yes, couples can live in their own heaven but angels fly around too. i've gone through that 3 years and i jolly well know where it ends. how i see the couples of years breaking up. i'm afraid of repeating history and just lyke how you have your "do not want it to happen again because of it", i have mine too.

never in my life i've said sorry this many times and with it doing no effect at all. it's precious just lyke my first time. but i'm not even getting a COP outta it. devastating. even the friends they laugh at how fumble i've became. and it's all because of love.

i dunch want my tears to touch no one anymore. the next time i'm crying, i hope some car hit and run and get me to stop it.

and when i say that i feel that i'm not worthy of it. i meant it exactly the way it ish. fat, ugly, inferior and lack of self-confidence. i'm not mocking, maybe i am but the target ish exclusively just me.

sitting at my corner, i need reconfirmation too.

if sleeping allows you to forgive and forget, the first thing i hope ish to be able to fall asleep.

writing this entry ish not to get sympathy.*

knowledge, something really amazing. at least now you have reasons and solutions to questions and mysteries you once couldn't understand. or maybe it helps to see a clearer picture and it definitely feels great. aweeeeee... evolution. why didn't i think about it.

finding a good reason why.

my best 'free' weekend. i really hope it's fully utilized.

i love taking bus rides, enjoying the first seat and listening to good music. of cos, that's when i'm not tired.

mummy got another cake from http://www.thepatissier.com/ again. i think she's pretty much addicted to it. but this time round, the mango didn't taste that fantastic.





Mango mousse cake with a tinge of basil.





the pudding on top tastes fantastic though but the mango. hrmp... the basil spoiled everything. and it was way too sweet.

i've once said smses constitutes to many memories and that if one day my handphone was stolen, i would plead nothing but my simcard back. sadly, i've deleted most of the smses i should have kept last night. it felt lyke i was dumping away memoirs and it doesn't feel really good right now.

2.

heart.

ang bei bei.

precious.

i love webcasts. they allow me to watch with my utmost attention and i get to speed them up to 2X speed. super fast, short and sweet!

just the both of us playing webcam.

CAs ar over, assignments seems to be piling up though but i'm doing fine. i'm kinda relax fer this semester, i have no idea why but i know i seem to be treating things with lesser tense as before.

i really hope i have nothing pounding after my marketing presentation in 2 weeks time but then again, there's 2 essays due after, the second round of CAs coming and then EXAMS! faints*

though the not very enjoyable 933fm ish playing but baby ish just by my side and that makes everything lovable. kueesh*

sundays ar lazy days fer the catch up of rest. 3rd of MARCH (03) was perfectly fine besides the hiccups of my little aunt. a nice soup restaurant dinner and dovey the way through.

ma CAs ar finally over but the assignments ar piling up. 800 essay in 12 hours time. gawd.

i love it everytime i hear muttons in the morning. but it jolly well means it's 5.30am and i'm not going to have enough sleep. i hope the painters won't disturb me tomorrow morning and i can a peaceful rest before i start fighting fer biochemistry. urban was boring today fer once, maybe because i was dying of hunger and there's no physical notes fer me.

starlight ish beautiful but awfully replayed over and over again on the radio.

hunger makes you WEEP. growing fat makes you CRY. and people pinching yur fats makes you want to DIE.

i feel lyke tearing everytime he pinches my 'fats' and talks about it. sensitive and trying hard to eat lesser.

i just saw something uber similar, i wonder if it's the same person. hrmp... i really hope not.

just got my very belated vday's chocolates from yang today. thanks chem sharks fer them! and the blessings too. (=

baby got me this last friday to spur up ma motivation fer school. (i think* at least that's what he told me.) in better terms, it's fer the 24th. lovelies.

finally finally. i can create a new post. argh, this ish so irritating. blogger ish darn weird these days, even my post doesn't get publish immediately.

it's lyke 3am now and i'm halfway done with my urban history assignment.

sometimes i hope time goes by slower and we could enjoy the moments better together.

missing the boy.*