my favourite two.

pics i took last night cos i couldn't sleep.

going to hongkong at 8 am. will be back on the 30th. so it means i won't be blogging fer quite sometime. a week.

i know it's not right to curse people. but evil ppl gets their retribution someday.

in this world, everything will be equal. at least that's what i believe in.

there's so many car accidents today. i saw one on my way to uncle's funeral. i hope the god that i believe in bless everyone in this rainy season to come.

uncle left fer his other world. i just wish i could help my cousin in any means. she seems so missing in direction.

jealousy makes one bitch and grumble fer no reason.

i guess i've spend quite a bomb fer only a matter of 2 days. but it's okay. after all, it's my savings since my last pay. eeeeeeeeeeeeks, but i can't spend anymore. now i don't even wanna look into my own DBS savings account. it seems so empty, thanks to mum. and it couldn't grow, thanks to dad. i wanna work and earn money so badly but dad doesn't allow. thank goodness next holidays, i'll be having my attachment. and by then. dad can't stop me. haa haa!

i could still remember the first time i tried sneaking out to work as a waitress at raffles city ponderosa. and got caught by dad. blargh... he told me to quit immediately and i did.
the next job was fer lawman. luckily dad managed to find out only after i finish my 2 weeks of assignment. harvey job ish always easy to be. i guess i'm a lil cut-out to be in sales line. it's in the genes. but i swear i'll never work in sales-line for a living. cos the people around you just totally suck in their attitude. i've seen fake ones, dumb ones, evil meanies.

i've always wanted to pamper myself, my love ones especially my family members with my own money. but dad never gives me the chance. i guess he just over-protective just lyke what he said. but i can't change that fact. cos he wants to be this way.

to think of it. it's kinda amazing how i could do all my shopping with my allowance besides my pay. imagine i've to pay fer my books every new sem(which ish damn costly fer my arse modules) stationery, food, drinks, entertaiment, shopping, goodies fer my sweet brother everyday. food alone could cost me a bomb cos i love indulging myself with delicious yummies.

oooh, talking abt money. now i've gotta save fer mummy's birthday diamond. i guess i'm gonna be real broke sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon.

went out quite late. cos i wanna get my crumpler JT. was waiting till evening and then night. but i finally got it.



and my puma bag.



ookies. narcissism at it's best.



i think i look lyke some kinda body-less ghost with only my head flying around.



nobody has seen my china doll fringe right? since it has got longer. i decided to show it out.

taka's christmas tree. 4 levels high. white and pure fer the christmas season.

oooh, was at ck tangs today. i guess they did quite a good job renovating. looks new and bright. they added in more brands which ish a good news. decent ones. their clothes ar getting better. i saw this puma bag,



dkny watch,
levis shirt that i fancy.

think my wishlist ish gonna expand...

but i guess i won't have much left to spend on myself.

i hope i could get my crumpler JT 70 before i go on my hongkong trip.

got him his today. and i know he's happy.

oooh, and pls. if you ar getting birthday gifts fer me. please don't get t-shirts, sexy undies, bears or accessories. i'm not saying that you must buy something, (haa) but if you really do. don't buy what i don't need or already have. haa.

http://www.playingsafely.co.uk/12stisofchristmas/12-STIs.html

practise safe sex and don't go around spreading your sex germs.

got a new phone today. sony ericsson S700i

i'm not proud the fact i got it. although i've been wanting a digital camera phone. but becos of what i went thru this past few months. i began to be happy enough with my T630. simple ish good.

but i'm definitely proud of this phone. i mean it's amazing how they could assemble everything together in just one phone. yeah, it maybe bulky. but it has a good camera function (as compared to other phones), video ability, radio, mp3 player, mpeg player, external memory stick duo slot, 256K TFT big screen. all those functions you could ever ask fer. it's just too bad it's not a clamshell phone.

took some pics with it.











let me bid good night to you. (=

*BLANK AND MISSING*

STUCK AND MISERABLE

TRYING BUT INVAIL

LOST - SOONER OR LATER

so maybe nightmares were a sign of warning that good things doesn't last.

woooh, went to catch the incredibles today. finally, i get to watch a movie. i still wanna catch shark tale. but guess it's not going to come true. i'll shall just wait fer the vcd to be out and stay at home to share with brother.



incredibles was quite a nice cartoon. i think the game is gonna be fun. becos everyone had special powers. i'm gonna encourage my parents to get that game boy game fer my brother. so that i could play too!

the baby boy was cute. especially the last part when he revealed his special ability. hee.



taken at esplanade. shhh... actually i have more pictures to show. but maybe i'm not gonna show. cos it's only entitled fer my viewing pleasure. gosh, i sound so...... okies, next time maybe.

he told me not to be too 'zhang yang' over everything. and he knows i won't. so i shan't. haa. i'm making you guys blur. but it doesn't matter. as long as we understand what's going on.

*hrmp, i cannot find 'shuang' so hella good ookies? almost the same hur. hee. (=

be it now.
be it forever.
maybe it's never.
maybe there could be miracles.
i'll just wait.
and hope time should prove or heal everything.

*text i wrote before i fell asleep last night.

just when i needed you the most.
however, i would never choose to look fer you.
it's time i learn to be strong myself.
alone.

i've strike off things from my wishlist that i won't be able to get. forget it. after so much persistent over everything. i'm still not getting a good month left ahead. anyway, it's a bad year fer me after all. and just let it be. fcuk the whole year including my birthday. call off all seasons treating. strike me off the invite list of yur chirstmas and countdown dates. i don't understand what's going on now.

don't worry, i'm not refering to you*. just a bad treatment i got from dad AGAIN.

previously on Saturday, October 23, 2004, i mention this. so ish it gonna come true? let's view the difference.

my grade-wishlist

1. Analytical Biochemistry - A
2. Instrumentation - A
3. Cell Culture And Tissue Applications - B+
4. Advanced Cell Molecular Biology - A
5. Spanish Basic - A+
6. Introdution To Financial Planning - C

okies. the upon text ish type before i actually view my results.

my actual grade list

1. Analytical Biochemistry - A
2. Instrumentation - A
3. Cell Culture And Tissue Applications - B+
4. Advanced Cell Molecular Biology - A
5. Spanish Basic - AD
6. Introdution To Financial Planning - B+

i'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy. not because of the grades. it's the credits i earn this semester. the best among my 3 semesters. 3.8846 against 4.

despite all the things that has put me into a devastating stage during this semester. i still managed to improve compared with my previous semester 3.7826. blargh... hrmp, i guess there's a difference if you realise the importance of yur results and learn be conscious of it when yur exams ar coming.

okies, after all this joy. i'm still stuck at home without any celebration.

maybe i should just strike off my previous post. thanks to UPS. no. should i say thanks to the operator i enquire with today. i've been cheated. i mean almost. i'm in such a dangerous situation now. anybody help me?

please if you ar selling any item. don't agree to fcuking africans. cos' it would most likely be a fraud case.

i'm totally annoyed by UPS. what a big company and yet their actions makes me suspect that their data ish transfered through sheets and sheets of papers instead of computer-based network. damn arse. waste my whole time with total mis-communications. customer serivce with lousy operators who are not even sure of how things work in the company themselves. how would you expect a first-time customer to know more than you do. if you think singapore provides good customer service. think again. no wonder our customer service ranking drop significantly to 21th this year.

oooh, finally i went shopping today. thanks to the company of yixin. but i'm kinda annoyed. cos i could find any mini skirts. and i didn't bought any bottoms except two undies. partly happy that i finally got my girlie boxer.



kinda weird to show it here. but i find it real cutie.

hrmp... back about mini skirts. everything ish in sizes S, L and XL. where ish my M? ookies. if you people think that S ish suitable fer me. think again. i may have a small waist. but people no longer wears their bottoms at the height of their waist. it's all either at their hip or below their hip. so due a big hip bone i have. i gotta wear M. i wanna buy mini skirts. yixin got hers ookies. and it's really nice and mini. haa. sexy babe. ooooh, shopping. i bought two tops today.



1 from zara. cutie cat. but i love the color. it's simple, light and sweet.





wholesome sluts. haa.

another one from heeren. hrmp... absolute slut. looks nice to me. haa. yixin has one blue one too. we ar planning to flaunt it on our first day of school. haa.

spend quite a sum today. and i finally caught a movie. princess diaries two. it's funny at times, light hearted, simple romance movie. not bad fer lil girls lyke us to catch it.

and i finally got my double oreo cheesecake!! yummy.

took some neo-prints too. but the machine was far too fast. we couldn't seem to coordinate well. but the pics were not bad after all.



talking back about feelings. i feel better now. i hope it remains this way. but lyke what i've said. feelings ar uncontrollable. maybe it's all in the mind fer what he said. after talking to him last night. i guess he ish the only one being able to calm me down. ookies, maybe not with the stuffs that he told me. stuffs that didn't make me smile about it. but i told him that i will accept them. and i really will. just give me some time. i lyke seeing him being sensible and sure of what he wants.

can i ever stop thinking? could i ever stop knowing? could i ever stop searching? could i ever stop having such luck? it's too torturing that i can't seem to stop crying (in my heart) again. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks. i hate myself fer being so sensitive. i hate myself fer being so stubborn. i hate myself fer not being a play-girl. i hate myself fer being so persistent. i hate myself to core. now!

i've always been in love with this canon ixus digital cam design. and now, there has this new one out. blargh... so interested in getting one now.

this two colours ar nice.

http://www.canon.com.sg/index.cfm?fuseaction=digitalcamera&prod_type=ixusi5

my answer to yur question.

*cos' you bring out the best in me, lyke no one else can do. that's why i'm by yur side. that's why i love you.

if it works fer you too. it's true.

i'm smiling today. but sulking in the end. was suppose to enjoy myself with him today. but unfortunately, things were not meant to be. okies, maybe fate ish playing us around or should i say 'wo men mei yuan'. i used to believe in both ways, in fate and that things ish what you do to try to achieve yurself. since i've done so many and things ar still not going that well. maybe it's time. you readers/friends know that i don't usually blog a full lump of details of my whereabouts. so i shan't today. i'm just happy to be out. walking, sweating and laughing to that angle of his. time may be short though, but i guess i should never be greedy. perhaps this ish more than what i should get. another sweet memory i'm gonna keep.

oooh, i'm kinda good in directions from today's experience in search of that building.

my friends ar going to thailand fer their YEP trip tomorrow and will only be back on the 24th. they will be back and i'll be off to hongkong. only able to meet them after the 30th when i'm back. gonna miss them lots. and when they ar gone, it means that i have less khaki to be out again. blargh.... holidays ar getting boring.

mel ish just gonna find someone to dote. so that she could spent all her time on this someone and not be complaining of boring holidays.

eeeeeeks, hate dad for not letting me out tonight. yet, he's out having fun. should have not told the truth and sneak out instead. selfish dad. it's kinda funny of how these adults think. overnight means something may go wrong. yeah, just fer info that fcuking could take place in the morning too. anytime, anywhere ookies. sex ish not just meant fer night fun. blargh. i used to tell him this when he's suspiscious about me. "it doesn't need to night fer bad things to happen, they could happen in the bright daylight too! it doesn't make a difference" why do most adults have this stupid mindset that overnight doesn't means well. and that things will go wrong in the night. and why doesn't he ever trust his daughter. worries ar different ookies. you worry yur daughter would do the wrong thing? or you worry yur daughter would get rape? you don't trust yur daughter that she ish sensible enough to know what's right and what's wrong.

my parents should be pleased enough to have a girl who doesn't smoke, drink, idle outside all the time, never ever get her arse back at night. not spend-drift, doesn't gamble, doesn't speak vuglar, never lykes clubbing. you ar in such blessing, my dad. although i may not be smart and earning big bucks now.

but one day i guess, i would tell my daughter the same thing too. "girl, the night ish very dangerous. i don't want you out. later you do something wrong." haa. or maybe i should think of a better way. girls ar just timid. maybe i should tell her. "darling, night time got spirits that you won't want to meet. they will be wandering around. you won't able to see them. but they will always be there." haa. evil mommy.

long blog today. doesn't matter anyway since i've nothing to do. but i'm gonna stop here.

the stars fall and you better catch them. once you miss the chance, you gonna regret it forever.

do you know how it feels lyke if all yur enjoyment gets destroyed by things you couldn't control?

read this *forget it*

i feel terrible now. i promise that i try to sleep but i just can't. i don't understand what's wrong with me. and i hate this feeling. when i can't fall asleep, my mind starts turning around. thoughts linger. and those memories regardless good or bad will appear. and i just can't stop crying.



wiping away the tears.



the pic i love most.





2nd.





and it goes on.



now can you see the sorrow in my eyes?

*fer you specially. sorry fer not sleeping today

Something About You
by Five For Fighting

I don't know where to begin
I don't know how to get out there to see you
I don't know where to dig in
I don't how to get in there...to feel you
It's been too long and I'm about to be in time for me
It's been too long and I'm in time

Baby there's something about you that
I can hold on to
I'm going to hold on to that
Baby there's something about you that
I can hold on to
I'm going to hold on to that

I never thought I would win
I never thought much about that
(It's been a long time coming)
I never stopped to begin
Thinking about the process
(It's been a long time coming)
It's been too long and I'm about to be in time for me
It's been too long and I'm in time

Baby there's something about you that
I can hold on to
I'm going to hold on to that
Baby there's something about you that
I can hold on to
I'm going to hold that
And I'm going to be there.... be there...... alright

I don't know where to begin
I don't know how to get out there to see you
Baby there's something about you that
I can hold on to
I'm going to hold on to that
Baby there's something about you that
I can hold on to
I'm going to hold on to that
It's been a long time coming
I'm going to hold on to that

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks.

i'm trying to badly to blog. i simply just can't get into blogger. why? arse. maybe cos i've too many post and there's too many freaking idiots blogging. it jams the whole damn network. blargh. i'm at all words to scold.

i want to be out so badly. but everyone ish so busy. someone please pity me and bring me out. (but eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks, i'm quite choosy too. i guess i only wanna be out with a few) everyone ish either working or on holidays or exam period or with their darlings or busy with dates. why am i not? i'm freaking lonely. beginning to feel damn bored. i'm lyke stuck at home fer a week. i'm lonesome cos' every night alone when it gets all quiet, i feel even lonely when i know that he's not around anymore. i've no love-one to share my life with. i've no one to dote. no one to take care of. and it makes me feel even isolated. yep, i may sound so desperate. and i know it's a stupid logic but that's how i actually feel so. can someone grand me my wish. i don't want to spend my nights alone. can you grand my wish? can you feel my cold heart with warmth? pick me up from that corner and bring me into yur new world of fantasy. i love you. muacks.

ookies... lyke i've said i really feel lyke going shopping and getting myself a good meal. i've not been eating well at home. i really wanna have a good meal. i'm so bored till the extend that i'm doing online shopping and i found this skirt.



could someone kindly get me this Abercrombie LIME PINK Jersey skirt from e-bay?
http://www.ebay.com.sg/viItem?ItemId=5335599236

and lastly... i wanna have oreo cheese cake so badly !!

my lappy ish back and i hope it's a good sign of other things. but it cost a bomb to fix it. 400 plus to change a damn arse motherboard. luckily my dad didn't demand me to pay fer it. holidays ar here and i'm lazing around not looking fer a job. dad doesn't want to hire me. i don't feel lyke working as an waitress. eeeks, there's no suitable job fer me. but i need money. i need money fer something special. and my redang trip. i hope that weekend job ish successful. i guess i'm putting my last hopes on it.

oooh, i really wanna go shopping now. i wanna have a good meal. i wanna catch shark tale. i wanna relax. i wanna go cycling. i wanna do something meaningful. i wanna complete my "love" project. i wanna get my maths textbook and start learning integration.

people ar filled with crazy ideas. first, they created friendster fer their countries, schools, neighbourhood. then, cca groups, personal groups, companies, brands. third, fan clubs where they go goo-goo-ga-ga over other people. forth, hunks and babes groups whom they drool fer. and now what? anti-clubs fer ppl or things they hate? gosh. i thought friendster was fer social network linking.

Love ish a beautiful thing. It has the power to create things. The more you understand it, the more beautiful it becomes. And by the moment that you ar able to share it with someone special, it becomes true happiness.

if one day i stop blogging... would you rather open yur mouth and ask what's going on in my life?

hrmp... i woke up at 4 plus in the afternoon today. i know it sounds so piggy. but it can't be blame, cos i only managed to fall asleep 5 plus in the morning. if you were to ask what was i doing the whole early morning... what else could i say. i'm thinking of someone. so? what's the big deal. i kept thinking and weeping till my eyes finally gave up. and decided to let my mind rest fer a moment. but actually to me. sleeping doesn't make much a difference. cos' when my eyes ar close, i'll start dreaming. bean always remind me that this shows that i'm never getting sufficient rest. cos even when i'm so called sleeping, my mind ish still working. blargh... but i don't mind actually when i get sweet dreams. sweet dreams with the comfort of him in my arms. at least i don't get such a treatment in reality. ooookies, sounds so lonesome. not gonna continue talking about this.

just playing around with my ACDSee editor.

i'll tell again. i wanna go to redang island on my birthday. with someone special.



so that we could enjoy the sunset together. so sweet and romantic. i wanna tag his hands and stroll along the peaceful beach.



i wanna lay on the beach chair and kiss him good morning.



jump into the clear blue sea and enjoy myself with his company.

a reflection pic i took on the bus with yixin on our way to the chalet.

i think my left leg ish cursed. i got a fresh cut again. blargh.




the previous one i got from falling off the slide and hamster trail during my chalet days.
ugly. yucks. i don't mind about the pain. but i hope they won't be scars.